I wandered into a pets at home in a retail park in Darlington, and as I entered it dawned on me that this pets at home knew exactly what the customer wants. There were eight glass boxes all arranged in a square right at the entrance containing guinea pigs, hamsters, rats, and empty homes with nothing in them. None of this wandering trying to find the actual living things in the shop, pretending to browse food for a pet that I didn’t own, and most likely, will never own despite a little visit of curiosity. What I wanted to see was displayed no further than few feet in front of the glass doors I just passed through. I didn’t even manage to make eye contact with another human as I was in the shop, and that was exactly what I wanted. I had my headphones on with a big coat on a cold day in February, and I was after the comfort of looking at some small cute animals.
As I scanned what was in front of me I realised there wasn’t much to be impressed by, or worse, nothing that would satisfy what I desired. Most of the boxes were quiet, not busy with the little lives I expected to find. There was a habitat of a few guinea pigs, all different colours, and about five or six brothers and sisters rolling around together playfully, or sleeping in the corner peacefully. Then the only other display with something happening were two glass boxes that contained about four rats in each side. On the left hand side there were only those creatures in their tiny home within the glass walls all asleep on top of each other, not stirring at the presence of someone looking at them. Then to my right there was the exact same scene in front of me, with one little exception. An all white, beady red eyed rat, was underneath an exercise wheel and was digging at the glass. Resembling almost the classic lab rat. He was incessantly digging for an escape, not stopping to catch a breath or to rest the little hands from trying to leave this glass home. You’d almost describe the behaviour as manically digging, except there was something about him and his situation that didn’t feel all that too crazy.
The sadness dawned on me immediately, as I looked as his fellow rats snuggled into each others company sleeping the day away, this little fella was clearly distressed. The want and desire to escape him was all that I could feel eradiating from the situation. Looking at him I couldn’t help but feel a bit of solidarity for his situation, not from the fact that we are similar but possibly that deep down I wanted to as brave as him in my own little world. The hopeful and aggressive desire to not be comfortable with the situation that is very clearly wrong. He is a rat. In a glass box that he didn’t make. What is natural about this. What part of his little spirit would desire this to be a chosen life. I personally don’t believe that whatever led to his existence, this was the purpose of it all. Not that there has to be a purpose of course, as we all live in a world that more likely than not will prove to just be a pointless mascaraed that ends in a tragedy. However, this isn’t something that stops us from wanting better for ourselves, and those around us. This little rat I thought just wasn’t happy, and what I felt I was witnessing was him exercising the right to do something about that, no matter how unlikely it would be that he alone could break out of that glass prison. He had a right to that hope, and even if those around him were content with the situation, and looked incredibly happy to be where they were that doesn’t take away from his own yearning to a difference in his situation. With this our little friend might be smarter than he looks as well. As someone with the power to make a change for him I felt a stronger connection and wanted to break him free. So even if he wasn’t able to physically break with his own two hands he certainly ups his odds of escaping his circumstances by trying.
I only observed our friend for a few minutes in this store. I wanted to find a trickle of joy, but I was left with a vacuum of existentialism underpinned by a feeling of sadness. The equivalent of ordering a pina colada, to be left slamming shots of tequila. I feel deep within me I have my own all white, beady red eyed rat, trying to dig its way to the surface. Driven by that desire, the hope of better circumstances. Whether that means greater happiness, fulfilled purpose, or simply to just not be where I find myself. I think what fills me with sadness at this moment in time is that I am not the rat, but the glass box that surrounds him.
